I'm reading a book right now that really has me thinking back on our adoption journey. I'm at a chapter in the book talking about prayer and how people get frustrated with their prayer life. I can relate to this very statement... there were several times in our 4 years of IF struggle that I can remember wondering if God was using ear plugs to drown out my pleas for a child! It sounds harsh but I was avidly praying for a baby and wasn't even getting a "sign", a "voice" or even the feeling He was listening... the problem was, I was praying to get pregnant instead of praying for God to build our family in the way He wills. The Bible clearly tells us in 1 John5:14-15 that what we ask will be given to us ACCORDING TO HIS WILL. We can ask, plea, bargain and beg every day through every single prayer but if it's not His will, it won't happen. I'm SO very thankful that it is according to His will. He knows what's best! We can even get caught up in being "certain" that what we are asking "must be in His will for us"! I was certain me being a momma and having a family was in His will... but what I wasn't paying attention to was His plan to build my family.
I praying all the time, constantly, incessantly for God to give me a child... by me getting pregnant. It wasn't until January of this year that I began to feel so lost in my own prayers for a child. I was weary, heartbroken, frustrated and began to be uncertain. I finally began praying for God to show me His plan and reveal His plan to me. This is the only time in my life that I instantly felt an answer to my prayer. Something inside my heart turned... I suddenly fell in love with the idea of adoption. I suddenly had excitement and not heartache. I began to praise God for His will, His plan and my family!!
What I learned was that God answered my prayer(s), he heard my pleas, he held my tears, he healed my heart... all according to HIS WILL!!
I wouldn't want it any other way!
It is amazing to me looking back how God's plan for me to have a baby in His time, was what I needed when I needed it! So many people would tell me that God would answer my prayers in His time, but all I could see was my time. During that time of waiting for a child, I realize now that I was a mother to the youth kids that needed me then! And you were too! What a wonderful example you are to them and him!
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