down in the dumps

This isn't going to be a fun post.  It's not going to make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.  It may even put your mood into a negative one... so stop reading if you don't want to read something negative :)
My blog is my outlet, although I don't always have time to post and I make most of it about my sweet baby now, I still have other things I want to write about.  So... here it goes...

This week has not been good or fun for me.  There have been some issues surface in some friendship relationships.  I tried to be the bigger person and talk it out and act like an adult.  I prayed and prayed and prayed for the Lord to help me not say things out of anger but to just share my feelings and not make accusations.  <<<< This is hard for me to do... I'm a natural red-head and I have a temper, I'm not proud of that but I WORK EXTREMELY hard to control it sometimes.  I knew without a doubt that I couldn't do this alone, that I needed (desperately needed) the Lord to guide my heart and my mouth.  I am happy to say that with the the Lord's help, I held my tongue, spoke the truth and handled the situations with dignity.  I'm not playing the victim nor do I wish to be the victim.  In fact, if you know anything at all about me... I don't do drama.  I can't stand girl drama.  I can't stand to be in the middle of it, to be a part of it or to even see it.  All of this blew up and became drama.

Now, friendships are on the verge of disappearing, feelings are extremely hurt and now... I'm shamefully angry at things.  I don't know what the future holds for this situation or these friendships but I do know the Lord can heal. He can heal sickness, he can heal marriages, he can heal broken hearts and he can heal relationships.

My only option at this point is to lay it at the feet of Jesus and pray for His healing, His hand and His guidance.  And I like that option, a lot, but I'm not patient and want to fix things myself.  I have to leave my flesh out of this and let Him do the work.

And in the end, it may mean washing my hands of this, going down the road and healing without those friendships.  I have to be ok with whatever comes next.

My husband has been the sweetest man through this.  He's told me how proud he is of me for holding my tongue and not lashing out.  He's prayed for me and we're reading Scripture together.  Thank you LORD for him!

IF YOU CHOSE TO READ THIS :)  Please pray for this situation, for those involved and for the flesh and sinful (hurtful) nature of all of us to be left out it.  THANK YOU!!