About how long of a break we've taken from actually trying to conceive. Since the failed invitro in February we've not tried anything fancy to try and get pregnant. We openly discuss how badly our hearts ache for a little one and how we someday want infertility to be out of our lives. My husband is so understanding and caring of the entire situation. He deals well with my emotions, break-downs etc... He's already told me "he's ready" when I am for IVF #2. My question is - - how do I know when I'm ready? Is there going to be a magical day when I wake and decide "Yep! This is it! I'm ready to beat infertility in the face!!"? I don't know when the time is right. I wonder when it is right. Is it right when I am emotionally ok with the chances of it working or the chances of it failing?? I just don't know... I need/want answers.
I'm a Christian and love the Lord but I'm still not sure of when His timing is right. It's so hard to know. We both thought on IVF#1 that it was meant to be... until it failed. I want to be certain it's the Lord's will and timing when we try again --- I pray, I seek, I fall at the feet of Jesus and beg and plead for answers and timing --- I still don't have them. I find my self frustrated and angry.
My school has been placed on hold for another semester because I suck at Math :) and didn't pass a Math test that I needed to be able to submit my application to the RN program. I was so bummed about it. I feel like if I hurry and finish school the Lord will give me a baby... stupid to think that way but I can't help it. I've always felt if all of my ducks are in a row... the Lord's plan will prevail. I've learned now (after not being able to apply to the program) that the Lord's plan will prevail anyway :) (thank you Jesus!) The hold on school has me thinking more and more about IVF #2 - or should I say SAVING $$$ for IVF #2.
I did take the next step (that I needed to have taken 6 months ago) and we are scheduled to go in for my 2week f/up (6 months later :) ) to see the RE and get his opinion on why IVF failed. Wish us luck (its not until October 2).
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