Awakening. That's the name of the Worship service we went to tonight. It was incredible. God's presence was in that place and it was real and it was refreshing. For a while now we've been "between churches" we haven't gone to the church we've called home for 9 years, in months. As a result of the situation I was asking for prayers for a few months ago. Did that situation make us leave the church? No, a number of things led up to us feeling lost, unaccepted, not growing spiritually, disconnected and just like change was needed and coming. That situation was the final draw to us leaving. We weren't ready to call it quits there and go on the church search but neither of us felt like we could go back after that.
As much as I'd like to say it's been fabulous, it's not been. As much as I'd like to say it didn't hurt, it did. I'm not the stronger person emotionally in our marriage, but I felt like the stronger one in this situation. My husband was shaken, and some days still is shaken by the situation. We've needed healing together and separately. Thankfully, healing is happening, slowly.
The kinds of things that have happend over the past few months are enough to turn someone completely off to church. And I think my husband was so near to that point that it scares me to think of it. I knew and still know we'll find a church home to plant our family in. God is still paving that way and revealing that to us.
But tonight, I felt and heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me some sweet, sweet words that I needed to hear... He told me I am good enough, I am a desirable person and the He is enough for me. I don't need to chase friendships. Since our "falling out" (for lack of better words) I've felt guilt and like I'm not good enough for some friends and worthy of some friendships. That's hard. That's not a warm and fuzzy feeling to feel about yourself. But tonight, tonight I realized I was listening and believing the lies of the devil. Just because another human chooses to not repair things, doesn't mean I'm not worthy and I'm not good enough. Jesus says I'm good enough. He created me, he made me good enough. The standards of another woman, don't make me good enough. I'll never be what some want me to be... but I will be what He calls me to be. And He's all that matters.
I'll leave you with this song... this was one of the worship songs we sang tonight.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ljr6lqu2-ec
If you ever want to take a break from the search there is always room on our pew at Oakcrest. We're old school though, we've only recently started clapping. But we have a great preacher and a great children's group. We'd love to have you any time! Keep your head up. You are a beautiful person inside and out and you'll find a home soon.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful song..Amen, you are SO right. It's really true that people may (likely will) fail us but Jesus never will. You are beautiful and MORE than worthy in His eyes! I'm so sorry for the pain you've been through, I can only imagine how hard those situations have been for you and your dh. Keep up the good fight, friend. Continuing to pray for your new church home and that peace and certainty will cover you when you find it. ((HUGS))
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