Another failure and where we are today...

So I noticed I haven't blogged since August... At which time I blogged an ugly post.  This one isn't pretty either.

After the last failed adoption we were matched with the other Agency we were with at the very end of September.  We met the birth mom, chatted about how this would look and expectations.  I EVEN told her of the last failed adoption heartbreak HOPING that would resonate with something in her inner being that IF she even thought about backing out, she may consider sparing our crushed hearts.

We've been through adoption once. It was beautiful.  Perfect.  And the best thing on the planet.  While I cannot understand the emotions a birth mom goes through, I can say I've walked along side a precious birth mom and helped her along the way.  Did my help assist in her placing R in our lives?  No idea.  But God orchestrated all of it.  So when I use the term "backing out" I don't use it lightly.  I see how hard the decision to place for adoption can be. I also see wanting to give your child a life that you cannot.  The first birth mom who bailed was jobless, car-less and HOMELESS so I don't understand her backing out.  I just don't.

So... When "K" chose us and we talked about placing for adoption and the social worker seemed helpful for her in counseling I really thought it would all be ok.  She wanted a family involved in dr visits etc. she lives in Texas so the drive is simple and easy. She looked almost exactly like R's birth mom.  She said all the "right things". She even talked about why she chose us.  A few weeks into this match something didn't feel right. I told myself  my emotions were in "protect my family and my heart mode" but I never really bought my own excuse.  I began to research this girl... Discovered her criminal history was ugly and she had lied it the agency about it.  Again, I threw in the benefit of the doubt, she's embarrassed and deserves a second chance. We begin asking the agency about her dr visits and when we could attend.  We kept getting the Medicaid isn't complete excuse.  Finally, Medicaid was complete and dr visit was set for 10/31.  She was going alone but we were promised an update.  Long story short, she didn't go and had an excuse (a lame excuse but the social worker believed her). So the next one was set for 11/18.  I got a call saying she went and all was good and she would return for a follow up in 2 weeks with ultrasound.  We asked to go to it & got the ok.  The day before the appointment the social worker is told by birth mom she mixed up the appointment date and it's "next week".  We were disappointed and Todd took off work to go so that was frustrating.  The next week comes and the day before birth mom says the dr office messed up the appointment... Huge red flag goes up. Todd has now wasted 2 days off work, we've made travel plans etc and we are now really questioning.  The agency finally gets fed up and tells her she must go to a clinic that day and/or meet with us in person. SHE STOPS corresponding with the agency and me.  We are paid in full (again) and bound by an ugly contract that isn't in our favor!  We were sick but praying for God to protect our money. And believing he would.

That day unfolds with multiple conference calls with the agency and they finally offer us the option to back out.  I did some extensive research and uncovered the November 18th appointment that "went well" NEVER even happend. She had not been seen since week 15 of her pregnancy when she was in the ER.  She never went to another dr or visit. She did receive $650 a month plus clothing money of ours though!!  The agency couldn't confirm whether or not she was even still pregnant!  We took the back out offer as backing out was not a part of the contract but we felt it was God's protection!  We lost over $10,000...  To a scam.  I've not heard from K since the day the last appointment was set for when I asked her in a text to just tell me the truth.

So...here we are.  A new year.  Lost money. No new adoption and hearts on the mend.

We'll see what 2014 holds.